hmm...
conundrum.
i'm going back to california again. this is the last time for a while. its for sure going to be different this time because the friends that i once had there have mostly departed to their next journeys as well. i have less than a handful of people (other than immediate family) that i care to see while i'm there. that's fine with me. its just going to be a different experience than i'm used to.
it kinda freaks me out that i don't have an idea of the next time i'm going home. my trips home so far have been landmarks in the seattle experience. like i just have to make it to my next visit home. but after this, i don't have to go back for anything. no more weddings, no more goodbyes. i might not even go back for christmas. its a weird feeling.
i'm done.
1 comment:
I wish I could claim this as my own but I cannot. Not sure if you're quite to this point yet but it sounds like its on its way.
"You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day...one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place."
I don't remember exactly when, but I do remember when I felt like this. It was either during my senior year at school, or after we sold the house I grew up in. My home will always be where my family is, but home in the truest sense of the word no longer exists for me...bc the way in which it existed for over 20+ years is no longer there.
Hope that wasn't too depressy and that you have a good time while you're "home."
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