We ndodana ye sizwe sonke

"oh, son of the nation" in zulu

from the song he lives in you (reprise)

the lion king - broadway musical

if you read my last blog, you have a vague idea of what is going on in my life.  i feel like that is still an accurate representation of where i'm at physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.

that said, god is lining things up for me.  things i didn't expect to be lined up, but there is a path forming before me and i'm excited for it.

so far, i think being intentional with the people around me, and with god, has been working out very well for me.  i'm enjoying every little bit of where i'm at right now.

i'm also very excited for what's coming up.  giddy even.  jump up and down, scream emphatically, make you want to dance kind of excited.  god is good.

if you want it, come and get it, for crying out loud...the love that i was giving you was never in doubt

"babylon"
david gray

i have been incredibly blessed. the last time i wrote, i was about to embark on a journey to kenya, and now i have returned.

since this adventure, i have been listening to god. i had an amazing time, and i'm still processing what that means for my future. but the thing is, instead of asking god for a clear answer to where i should go next, he is showing me something different. not a different path that i should be on, but rather a new way to live.

my biggest "challenge" on my trip to kenya was being vulnerable. i did not open up to the people there like i could have. not that my trip was anything less than amazing, but this was something that i was aware was going to be a challenge before i left, and i didn't do a very good job of being aware and overcoming it.

since being back, god has been showing me that he is vulnerable, and that i need to be vulnerable with him before i can have a chance at being vulnerable with other people. god loves me unconditionally, sees me as who i am, every detail, and if i can't be vulnerable with him, how can i be vulnerable with fallible humans?

this goes hand in hand with everything that i believe in, and everything that i've wanted for my life in the past year or two. i desire to be intentional in my friendships, to be authentic and real and be who we are right where we are at, in the presence of god. but how am i going to do that without god?!

*lightbulb*

so there it is. there's where i'm at. i'm content with not knowing the answer right this very moment, but i'm also not giving up at pursuing it! if it is not god's will, he will shut the door. and if it is, i am embarking on the path of a lifetime. awesome.


love.

will I discover a soul-saving love or just the dirt above and below me

"Doubting Thomas"
Nickel Creek
(i'm starting to cite the lyrical reference i use as my subject)


too long since my last expression.

i was sick for like 5 days this last week/end. it was awful. didn't work, didn't hang out with people. so basically i'm very lacking in the social contact arena. i feel like i've missed a lot. in this time, i've decided to learn to knit, and have felt deeply like writing in my journal again. i haven't done it in so long, and i forget how easy it is for me to process my life when i'm writing it down. i feel like i haven't really processed life as well as i have in the past. so i'm starting that up again soon. yay me.

i need to go shopping for wintery clothes, because i'm getting cold. but that will be very difficult to do, because i also have to pay for my passport and immunizations for kenya this month. boo for not having health insurance.

but exciting part: i have flight reservations for kenya now!!! its almost official! i'm so beyond excited its difficult to put into words. i have a layover in amsterdam too. how amazing is that?? i have all morning there too, so i'm hoping there will be a bit of time to go out in the city for something. frick. amazing.


side note. i've been working in the girls chemical dependency cottage, and i'm absolutely loving it. i love it even more than working with the little kids. which is not what i expected. if i were to move to a full time position, i think i would want it to be with this program. i am trying to be aware of this new development, and trying not to lose sight of my vision. i don't want to forget that my goal is to go to africa and work with the children there. but then again, what if i'm supposed to do something with chemical dependency for a while, because i know i'm not meant to be in africa right now. that's something that's going to happen down the line in the future. so...i'm curious about the new possibilities that are opening up from this.

thanksgiving is this week. i'm not going home. this is my first major holiday away from home. its going to be weird, but i'm proud of myself for having a life up here and people to spend the holiday with. its kind of exciting to be building a life for myself up here.

i guess that's all. i have more to say, but its all in random sporadic thoughts rather than cohesive ideas.



love

i found myself facedown in at ditch, booze in my hair, blood on my lips

I'M GOING TO KENYA!!!



i feel so much like this opportunity is coming right now to affirm all the work that God has done in my heart in the last few months. why would i feel this incredible burden on my heart for this time, and then have the exact opportunity to do what i've been dreaming of fall into my lap so unexpectedly? i feel like puzzle pieces are matching up, stars are aligning, watches are synchronizing...

here we go.



i have a poem and a painting in my heart right now. they will be coming out very soon. and i'm excited for that.

:)